Becoming Human
by Shellysbees
Summary: This was a tumblr fic request from Profoundlyinlove. She asked for Dean teaching Cas to read ending in fluffy smooches. Sorry. My brain likes to make things, even happy things, as angsty as possible.


It took Dean nearly three months to find Cas. Three months of picking through police reports, finding every other damn angel that had fallen from heaven with absolutely no sign of the only one he wanted. After two months Sam tried to intervene.

"Dean," He said cautiously. "Listen, I know you think he's out there, but he had our numbers, he knows all of our contacts. If he wanted us to find him he would have let us know where he was." Sam was standing at the entrance to the kitchen of the bunker, a safe distance from Dean who was hunched over Sam's laptop, comparing notes, looking for something that was obviously not there.

Dean paused, his lip twitching as he glared at the computer screen illuminating his features. "He's family Sam. You heard what the rest of those wingless bastards said. Naomi was right. Metatron used him. He was the first to fall... Dammit Sammy I can't just leave him out there!" His fist came down on the table, making the ice in his drained cup of '_hunter's helper'_ clink against the side of the glass.

Sam didn't argue with him about it again, merely made it a point to put food in front of him a couple times a day and try and dissuade him from falling back to liquor on the days that were more difficult.

Eighty-seven days after Cas had fallen and gone missing they had a lead. They found one of the fallen angels, a foot soldier, that had seen Castiel even gave them an address. It was a small town in Washington, only a day's drive if they didn't stop. The address had led to an abandon house which, after much heated deliberation, Dean entered alone.

The house was a mess. Water damaged and falling apart, but it was obvious that Cas had been staying there. Burger wrappers littered the floor, the trench coat was thrown to the ground just inside the door, much worse for wear.

"Cas?" Dean called cautiously, taking slow deliberate steps into the seemingly empty house. At first he didn't hear anything, he cursed under his breath. They had waited too long, he'd moved on. Not quite ready to give up he began searching the house. It was definitely worse than any place they had squatted before.

"Honestly Cas," he muttered under his breath, "Thought I taught you better than this."

"You did."

Dean turned on his heel hearing the gravelly voice from behind him. His breath caught in his chest as he looked over the familiar man. He looked worse than ever. Far too thin, a layer of filth caked on his skin, and it appeared as though he'd attempted to cut his facial hair with scissors the way it stuck out awkwardly from his cheeks. Overall, he looked almost as bad as he had when Dean had found him in Purgatory.

"Cas." He breathed, not yet moving from where he was, amazed that after all this time he'd finally found him. After a moment of silence his voice seemed to return to him. The emotion in his voice fell somewhere between relief and anger. "We have been looking for you for months Cas. Where the hell have you been?"

"Here and there." He said simply, "I didn't want you to find me."

Dean pulled back, obviously hurt by the comment, Castiel carried on before Dean had a chance to refute his comment.

"I'm useless now Dean. I was useful to the both of you before, but now I would simply be a burden. You have to understand I was trying to do what was best. I choose this place in the end because I didn't think you would ever find me here." His words were almost solemn, as if he was disappointed that he'd finally been found.

"What was best?!" Dean asked incredulously, advancing on Castiel finally until they were toe to toe. "I didn't know if you were alive or dead. I have been chasing shadows for three goddamn months! We are family Cas. If you think I'm going to leave you behind then you are even stupider than I thought." He glared down at the broken form of the man he once knew for a few moments before sweeping from the room, gathering the trench coat from the floor and holding the front door open.

"Come on."

Castiel turned slowly, his brows furrowed together tightly as though he didn't understand what Dean meant. Dean just sighed and shook his head.

"Sam's outside with the car. You aren't staying here. Let's go."

It took Castiel a couple weeks to relax at the bunker, and even when he stopped jumping at every sound he wasn't much better. He didn't leave much, even when they invited him to go on hunts with them and he seemed to spend most of his time in a stupor. Often spending entire days staring at the door he knew held Crowley. Not to mention the whiskey had continued to disappear despite the fact that Dean had stopped drinking, for the most part, after finding Cas.

Between the three of them(Sam, Dean, and Kevin) they managed to extract enough from him to see that he blamed himself for everything that had happened. Determined to pull Cas back to himself, to help him reclaim some control over his life Dean finally cornered him.

Cas had been staring at a microwavable meal for the better part of an hour, the cardboard was now soaked, the meal mostly melted.

"Listen bud, I know you're having a hard time, but this needs to stop."

Castiel ignored him, simply letting out a heavy breath and keeping his attention on the side of the box.

"You don't have to go out on cases, but we are working with the angels. You could help us. Hell help Kevin with that damn brick. Something. _Anything_. You can't just shut down like-"

"Like what Dean?" Cas snapped, turning to face him. "Like I destroyed heaven? Like I handed the key to humanity's salvation to that bastard? Like I'm human, and this time I remember everything I've done? Because I remember everything Dean... So clearly. I remember the Leviathans, breaking Sam's mind, beating you half to death." He was spitting the words venomously, his self loathing rolling off of him. He stepped forward so this time he was advancing on Dean. "You're supposed to kill the monsters Dean. Saving people. Hunting things. That's your job right? Then why am I still breathing?"

Dean blanched, and a moment later Cas turned away, grabbing the offending meal from the counter and launching it across the kitchen where it hit the wall with a wet plop. "No! I won't go out on hunts with you. I will not help the angels. And I won't help Kevin. Don't you see? I can't." His words had broken by the end, emotion welling up from somewhere deep within him. He pushed past a flabbergasted Dean, disappearing into the depths of the bunker.

When Cas's footsteps disappeared, and he heard the click of his bedroom door closing Dean went to pick the meal up from the ground, it was probably ruined, but he put it back in the freezer anyways.

An hour later Dean found himself knocking on Castiel's bedroom door. There was a soft acquiesce and he pushed through into the dark room. Unlike his and Sam's rooms, Cas' was empty, void of personal effects. The bed that had already been in the room, a dresser filled with the new clothes they'd managed to buy him after they'd found him, and his trench coat lying across a small wooden chair. It had been cleaned since he'd arrived, but some of the stains had simply been too deep.

"Cas.. Can we talk?" Dean offered softly, pulling the wooden chair closer to the bed where Castiel was lying on his back, staring up and the ceiling pointedly.

"You're already talking Dean, you might as well continue." Cas said with a sigh, much of his earlier anger clearly dissipated.

"You're not a monster." Dean said simply, watching Cas for any reaction.

"I know."

"Then why did you say that?"

Cas sighed, thinking over the question before he answered. "The guilt is overwhelming Dean, and I can't even do anything to make up for my sins. I am useless to you, that is not a lie. I was a traitor to both you and my own kind. I have disappointed everyone. I'm not even good at being human. You know it took me a month to figure out how to work the laundromat before you found me? I had to watch other people work the machines to figure out how to do it myself, and I still put too much soap and overfilled the washer." He spoke in a soft measured tone, almost as if he were confessing, and Dean stayed perfectly silent and still, giving him that moment.

Finally Cas turned his head to the side, his eyes begging Dean for answers. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do any more."

Dean shook his head. "You aren't supposed to do anything. This is life Cas. Shit happens, but you get back up, take a few steps back and try again. You just have to start at the beginning. You figured out how to wash clothes eventually, god you kept yourself alive for months without our help-"

"Barely," Cas cut in, but Dean ignored him and continued on speaking.

"I can help you, you just need to ask."

Cas rolled back, staring at the ceiling once more. The silence that hung over them was heavy, but after a moment he finally broke it. "I want to learn to read." It hadn't been what Dean had expected.

"Read? Is that why you let the food melt on the counter?"

"I didn't know how to cook it." He said simply.

"Oh.. Well of course, I mean.. How did you manage before this?" Cas had been living jumping between earth and heaven for years, Dean couldn't believe he'd never been able to read, he'd interacted with humans far too much.

"I never really knew how to read, I could just look at any language and the meaning would come to me. I'm not an angel anymore, so I can no longer do that."

"Alright." Dean said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'll teach you to read then, though Sam would probably be a better teacher..."

"No." Cas whispered, finally sitting up and turning so he was facing Dean. He pulled his legs closer, crossing them in front of himself. "No, I would very much appreciate it if you could teach me."

"Okay." Dean agreed, nodding his head. Cas forced a small smile, mirroring Dean's nod.

"Okay."

The next day they started.

Sam and Kevin had gone out on a supply run, leaving Dean and Cas to focus on their work. Sam was just happy to see Cas beginning to act somewhat like himself, or at least a healthier version of what he'd become.

Luckily writing hadn't been a problem, it was just putting letters in any order that made sense. By the end of the first '_class_' Cas had mostly managed to remember the different letters and what sound they made.

"Okay, one more time. Vowels." Dean said, turning over the page of letter's Cas had written out.

"Again?" Cas whined, his mood greatly improved from the day before. "Haven't I said them enough. I feel ridiculous making all of these noises."

"Those noises make words-"

"Yes and I need to learn to read, not speak Dean."

Dean broke out into unabashed laughter at this, a few tears pressing through his eyes as he bent over in laughter. Cas tried to glare at him, but after a moment, he began laughing as well. It wasn't even all that funny, but the tension that had been building since Castiel's return to the bunker had finally broken and it had left them both oddly happy.

Finally calming down enough to speak Dean nodded, "Yeah. You're right." He chuckled again, wiping his eyes, he hadn't laughed like that since he'd tried to get Cas laid. "We can be done for the day, but you will still have to do that next time."

"Fine." Cas grumbled, pushing away the paper and pencils, glad to be through for the day. He was silent for a moment before he looked at Dean curiously. "Can I try something?"

"Uhm, sure?" Dean said, shrugging his shoulders. "What do you want to try?"

Cas had turned so he was facing Dean, the arms of their chairs the only space between them, his brow tightly knit together in concentration. He stayed there for a moment before leaning forward towards Dean. His lips met Deans softly, a mere brush of their lips, hardly even a kiss, before he pulled away to calculate Dean's reaction.

He was staring at Cas, obviously surprised, but not all together bothered it seemed.

"I've said it before. We share a more profound bond, it seems logical that would carry over now that I am human. If that is not allowed I won't repeat it but I wanted to try. I just wanted to know what it felt like." He was rattling off his reasoning quickly, and when Dean didn't say or do anything else he nodded shortly and began to leave. Pushing away from the table and starting back towards the hall. "I'm sorry, I won't repeat that. Thank you for the lesson."

"Stop." Dean's voice was low, barely above a whisper, but he stopped in the doorway and turned to face him.

Dean stood and slowly walked over to Cas who, for the first time in his memory, looked nervous. Not scared, simply nervous. "It's... It's alright. I wasn't expecting it, but it's alright." He pulled Cas into a crushing hug, holding onto him until he relaxed in his arms.

The silence was thick and telling around them with all the things they both didn't know how to say. When the pulled apart Dean was the one to initiate the kiss. It was more deliberate than Cas' attempt, more purposeful and practiced. It was still a soft brush of lips and Cas stayed perfectly still, following Dean's lead. When Dean pulled away this time he had one hand cupping the side of Cas' face.

"You're welcome."

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